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The Ex-factor
Before stepping out into a new relationship, look right, then left and look out for the ex!
I have a crush on Eamon Sullivan. Those long bronzed limbs, his chiselled six pack and that adorable lop sided smile is setting my heart a flutter. He may not have won gold in Beijing, but he's a lap ahead of any other contender in my book. Proof of my devotion lies in my lunch time dash to Myer's city centre the other day - I was on a mission to glance a sneak peak at the Olympian fresh off the plane from Beijing while he was fulfilling his duties as Davenport Ambassador. I elbowed my way through the crowd for a decent vantage point, and with my heart racing and palms sweating, I had my first in-the-flesh glimpse of the Aussie heart throb. At first, as I stared dreamily at my latest crush he seemed even better in real life, taller and less like a Ken-doll then I imagined. But then it dawned on me... it would never work, there was an obstacle in the way that would mean Eamon and I just couldn't be together.
No, it isn't the fact that he is from QLD and I am from Sydney, or that he swims laps for his livelihood and I can barely make 50 metres without swallowing mouthfuls of chlorinated water, or even the small circumstantial detail that we haven't as yet been introduced.
The real problem, standing in the way of my happiness with Sullivan was sitting right next to him, flicking her hair over her shoulder and smiling coyly at the crowd; his ex Stephanie Rice. As I turned my back on Eamon, disheartened and disappointed, I knew I was doing the right thing. While I may be an eternal optimist and a true romantic at heart, past experience has taught me that no matter how handsome, talented, sweet or charming a new man can seem, if there is an ex in the picture trouble will soon follow.
Of course normally when starting afresh with a new lover you're rarely faced with such stiff competition, Australia's latest 'golden girl', three time gold medallist and A-grade Facebook celebrity, even the most ordinary of ex's have the potential to burst the romantic bubble of your new relationship. According to Andrew G. Marshall, marital therapist and author of I Love You But I'm Not in Love With You (Bloomsbury), "however much we want to make a fresh start, it's hard to throw off the past". "For many people, the legacy is a positive one, especially if the ex has helped them to feel safe and secure. However, if he or she was possessive, abusive or unfaithful, the past can cast a shadow over subsequent relationships."
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Obviously most single people out there have had some kind of previous relationship, so you would be hard pressed to find a guy who didn't have an ex, a tough emotional experience or some kind of relationship 'baggage'. The key then is not the existence of an ex, but rather what type of presence they have in his or her life and the potential they have to impact upon your relationship.
Because heartbreaks or failed couplings can often be hard to recover from, it is a good idea to be wary if your new partner is fresh from a break-up. As a guide it apparently takes at least half the time of the relationship to be completely over an ex lover, but psychologist Holly Counts advises that all situations are different and everyone must set "their own boundaries" and what she calls their own "bottom lines". However, as a general rule of thumb she advises "the relationship you are currently in should take precedence over a past one". If your new partner is still consumed by their ex, still holds a grudge or spends a lot of time with a past lover you may have to face the fact that you could be in bed with the both of them!
Of course not all break-ups are bad and often couples can part on good terms as friends and leave it at that (I'm sure they're out there, perhaps at the end of the rainbow with the goblin's pot of gold?), but to be safe Counts advises that you should keep the lines of communication open with your new flame and "keep talking" to them about your feelings and the direction the relationship is heading in, at least then you're both on the same page.
And as for Sullivan, when quizzed about Rice and his feelings on the rumour that she was involved in a lip-lock with Michael Phelps, he said "That's her business and, now that we're friends, it's not something I have to worry about". So maybe there is hope for us yet? Now if only
I could score that introduction...
CELEBRITY EXES
After Jennifer Aniston's recent spilt with playboy John Mayer, it was Jen's ex-husband, Brad Pitt, who came to the aid of a distraught Jen. After a string of supporting phone calls, Brad was apparently set to meet Jen for dinner when he was back in the US promoting his new film, Burn After Reading. But vulnerable new mum Ange went crazy when she learnt of their planned reunion and made Brad call it off at the last minute. Were Ange's fears justified? Does Brad still hold a candle for Jen?
I have a crush on Eamon Sullivan. Those long bronzed limbs, his chiselled six pack and that adorable lop sided smile is setting my heart a flutter. He may not have won gold in Beijing, but he's a lap ahead of any other contender in my book. Proof of my devotion lies in my lunch time dash to Myer's city centre the other day - I was on a mission to glance a sneak peak at the Olympian fresh off the plane from Beijing while he was fulfilling his duties as Davenport Ambassador. I elbowed my way through the crowd for a decent vantage point, and with my heart racing and palms sweating, I had my first in-the-flesh glimpse of the Aussie heart throb. At first, as I stared dreamily at my latest crush he seemed even better in real life, taller and less like a Ken-doll then I imagined. But then it dawned on me... it would never work, there was an obstacle in the way that would mean Eamon and I just couldn't be together.
No, it isn't the fact that he is from QLD and I am from Sydney, or that he swims laps for his livelihood and I can barely make 50 metres without swallowing mouthfuls of chlorinated water, or even the small circumstantial detail that we haven't as yet been introduced.
The real problem, standing in the way of my happiness with Sullivan was sitting right next to him, flicking her hair over her shoulder and smiling coyly at the crowd; his ex Stephanie Rice. As I turned my back on Eamon, disheartened and disappointed, I knew I was doing the right thing. While I may be an eternal optimist and a true romantic at heart, past experience has taught me that no matter how handsome, talented, sweet or charming a new man can seem, if there is an ex in the picture trouble will soon follow.
Of course normally when starting afresh with a new lover you're rarely faced with such stiff competition, Australia's latest 'golden girl', three time gold medallist and A-grade Facebook celebrity, even the most ordinary of ex's have the potential to burst the romantic bubble of your new relationship. According to Andrew G. Marshall, marital therapist and author of I Love You But I'm Not in Love With You (Bloomsbury), "however much we want to make a fresh start, it's hard to throw off the past". "For many people, the legacy is a positive one, especially if the ex has helped them to feel safe and secure. However, if he or she was possessive, abusive or unfaithful, the past can cast a shadow over subsequent relationships."
read on below advertisement
Obviously most single people out there have had some kind of previous relationship, so you would be hard pressed to find a guy who didn't have an ex, a tough emotional experience or some kind of relationship 'baggage'. The key then is not the existence of an ex, but rather what type of presence they have in his or her life and the potential they have to impact upon your relationship.
Because heartbreaks or failed couplings can often be hard to recover from, it is a good idea to be wary if your new partner is fresh from a break-up. As a guide it apparently takes at least half the time of the relationship to be completely over an ex lover, but psychologist Holly Counts advises that all situations are different and everyone must set "their own boundaries" and what she calls their own "bottom lines". However, as a general rule of thumb she advises "the relationship you are currently in should take precedence over a past one". If your new partner is still consumed by their ex, still holds a grudge or spends a lot of time with a past lover you may have to face the fact that you could be in bed with the both of them!
Of course not all break-ups are bad and often couples can part on good terms as friends and leave it at that (I'm sure they're out there, perhaps at the end of the rainbow with the goblin's pot of gold?), but to be safe Counts advises that you should keep the lines of communication open with your new flame and "keep talking" to them about your feelings and the direction the relationship is heading in, at least then you're both on the same page.
And as for Sullivan, when quizzed about Rice and his feelings on the rumour that she was involved in a lip-lock with Michael Phelps, he said "That's her business and, now that we're friends, it's not something I have to worry about". So maybe there is hope for us yet? Now if only
I could score that introduction...
CELEBRITY EXES
After Jennifer Aniston's recent spilt with playboy John Mayer, it was Jen's ex-husband, Brad Pitt, who came to the aid of a distraught Jen. After a string of supporting phone calls, Brad was apparently set to meet Jen for dinner when he was back in the US promoting his new film, Burn After Reading. But vulnerable new mum Ange went crazy when she learnt of their planned reunion and made Brad call it off at the last minute. Were Ange's fears justified? Does Brad still hold a candle for Jen?
Story: Amy Russell
