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Get happy
What's the secret to happiness? Experts and authors agree, it's all about attitude...
If you had to list the 10 best days of your life to date, could you do it? It sounds simple enough but it's actually a lot harder than you'd think. In fact, I still haven't finished my list and I've had days to work on it.
Of course, the obvious ones spring immediately to mind - like, say, my wedding day. But truthfully, that wasn't really one of my best days. Because I desperately wanted everything to run to plan and it was a big, scary commitment to make, it erred more on the side of stressful.
Another milestone - my 21st birthday - was also less positive than it could have been. It resulted in two of my cousins having a catfight while I was blowing out the candles on my cake, and me being dateless because I'd broken up with my dream guy a few weeks earlier.
Is it such a sad world we live in that we have to struggle to come up with such a list? Should finding 10 ripper days out of 10,585 days on earth (and, yes, you can work out the years yourself) be so hard?
The 10 Best Days of My Life ($32.99, Hachette, out July 3) is the title and premise of a new chick-lit novel by LA gal Adena Halpern, dubbed "the real-life Carrie Bradshaw". (She's also behind the memoir Target Underwear and a Vera Wang Gown: Notes from a Single Girl's Closet, and has written for US Marie Claire magazine and The New York Times.)
Her book revolves around a 27-year-old personal shopper, Alex, who lives in LA (funny that) and worries that what she is doing with her life is slightly pointless.
Or at least she does until she is killed by a Mini Cooper while walking her dog, Peaches, at four in the morning. When Alex gets to heaven she finds herself on the seventh plane - a place with no cellulite, walk-in closets, calorie-free ice cream sundaes and a straight, single, hunky next door neighbour. (Sounds dreamy.)
But just when Alex thinks things are going to be fine, she finds out she has to earn her right to stay in this heaven by writing a compelling essay on the 10 best days of her life.
Halpern says the book idea came to her one night when her husband asked her what she thought the 10 best days of her life were. "I had been trying to think of ideas for a new book and that's when it occurred to me: what if I told the story of someone's life after they died and incorporated those 10 most important days as part of the narrative?"
As for her personal best day, Halpern is much more of a traditionalist than me. "My wedding day! I was always one of those girls who dreamed of getting married. I fantasised constantly about who he was, what I'd wear, what song I'd walk down the aisle to. There's a line in this book, The Book of Ruth, where she says 'a wedding has nothing to do with real life'. That was the way my wedding was going to be. My dress was a white, poufy, silk, charmeuse, strapless gown that had hand-painted flowers and leaves all over it in shades of grey. It was stunning. I had nine bridesmaids and I didn't care if it took them until the next day to get down the aisle!"
Not all are so conventional when picking their best day. Psychic and journalist Rebecca Dettman, whose website PsychedInStilettos.com offers psychic services for the urban girl, says she has had many top days. "But mine are all linked with a common theme - they're the days when I really broke out of my comfort zone and did something extraordinary. Like the day I walked into a 40-storey skyscraper in New York with my resume under my arm and felt like I was going to throw up from pure nerves and adrenaline! Still, the sense of satisfaction that still reverberates from that experience to this day, six years later, is priceless.
read on below advertisement
"'Jumping off a cliff' was also how I began my early career in magazines. I flew to Sydney [from Adelaide], marched into a magazine office unannounced, requested a meeting with the editor, and basically sold myself in a 10-minute spiel. Of course, I was zinging with adrenaline throughout, and the days and weeks afterwards were like torture as I waited for an answer. But the end result was stellar - I ended up working at that magazine for three years."
Fashion designer Sonia Fedele, who's behind the Aliirt label, says throwing caution to the wind also marked her best day - though in a different way. "One of the best days of my life was when I got up the courage to pack up and move to England for work and to travel. What I treasure most is the moment at the airport the day I was leaving. I definitely didn't think I'd get homesick or realise how much my family would miss me until the moment we were saying goodbye. We all had tears streaming down our faces. While we are a close family, we don't usually have these corny displays of affection and I'll never forget the love I saw in their eyes at that moment."
Dr Timothy Sharp, the "chief happiness officer" at Sydney's Happiness Institute, says the problem for many people is they tend to harp on the negative events in their lives more so than the positive ones. "Happy people, instead, reminisce about the good times and savour the experiences - and we can all learn to do it." Sharp says one practice they encourage at the institute is for people to write down three good things that happen each day in a "gratitude diary", into which magazine clippings and photos can be thrown as well. "Then you can look back on it and have a record of the really good times in your life."
You'll be happy to know (pun intended) I'm now halfway through my '10 best days of my life' list:
1. The day I got my driver's licence after two failed attempts (independence, at last!).
2. Meeting my little niece when she was just born (I couldn't take my eyes off her).
3. The first heart-stopping kiss with my first love (is anything better than young love?).
4. Seeing Italy for the first time (where my family came from), when circling over Venice in a plane.
5. Any day watching Sex and the City with my sisters.
As for the rest? I'll get back to you!
How to make every day your best day
The Happiness Institute's CHOOSE philosophy is based on six powerful, positive psychology strategies:
C = Clarity (of goals, direction and life purpose).
Happy people set clear goals and plan to ensure these goals become reality. So, clarify your life plan now (because no one else will do it for you!).
H = Healthy living (activity and exercise, diet and nutrition, and sleep). Health forms a crucial part of the foundation to happiness. It's hard to be happy
if you're literally sick and tired all the time.
O = Optimism (positive but realistic thinking).
Happy people search for positives in thinking about themselves, others and the world. The good news is that this is something you can learn to do.
O = Others (the key relationships in your life).
Happy people have both more and better quality relationships. So make sure you devote time to developing and fostering your key relationships.
S = Strengths (your core qualities and attributes).
Rather than trying to "fix" their weaknesses, happy people spend more time identifying and utilising their strengths. Find out what you're good at and do it as much as possible.
E = Enjoy the moment (live in the present). The past is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today's a gift - that's why they call it "the present".
Visit www.thehappinessinstitute.com for help and courses.
If you had to list the 10 best days of your life to date, could you do it? It sounds simple enough but it's actually a lot harder than you'd think. In fact, I still haven't finished my list and I've had days to work on it.
Of course, the obvious ones spring immediately to mind - like, say, my wedding day. But truthfully, that wasn't really one of my best days. Because I desperately wanted everything to run to plan and it was a big, scary commitment to make, it erred more on the side of stressful.
Another milestone - my 21st birthday - was also less positive than it could have been. It resulted in two of my cousins having a catfight while I was blowing out the candles on my cake, and me being dateless because I'd broken up with my dream guy a few weeks earlier.
Is it such a sad world we live in that we have to struggle to come up with such a list? Should finding 10 ripper days out of 10,585 days on earth (and, yes, you can work out the years yourself) be so hard?
The 10 Best Days of My Life ($32.99, Hachette, out July 3) is the title and premise of a new chick-lit novel by LA gal Adena Halpern, dubbed "the real-life Carrie Bradshaw". (She's also behind the memoir Target Underwear and a Vera Wang Gown: Notes from a Single Girl's Closet, and has written for US Marie Claire magazine and The New York Times.)
Her book revolves around a 27-year-old personal shopper, Alex, who lives in LA (funny that) and worries that what she is doing with her life is slightly pointless.
Or at least she does until she is killed by a Mini Cooper while walking her dog, Peaches, at four in the morning. When Alex gets to heaven she finds herself on the seventh plane - a place with no cellulite, walk-in closets, calorie-free ice cream sundaes and a straight, single, hunky next door neighbour. (Sounds dreamy.)
But just when Alex thinks things are going to be fine, she finds out she has to earn her right to stay in this heaven by writing a compelling essay on the 10 best days of her life.
Halpern says the book idea came to her one night when her husband asked her what she thought the 10 best days of her life were. "I had been trying to think of ideas for a new book and that's when it occurred to me: what if I told the story of someone's life after they died and incorporated those 10 most important days as part of the narrative?"
As for her personal best day, Halpern is much more of a traditionalist than me. "My wedding day! I was always one of those girls who dreamed of getting married. I fantasised constantly about who he was, what I'd wear, what song I'd walk down the aisle to. There's a line in this book, The Book of Ruth, where she says 'a wedding has nothing to do with real life'. That was the way my wedding was going to be. My dress was a white, poufy, silk, charmeuse, strapless gown that had hand-painted flowers and leaves all over it in shades of grey. It was stunning. I had nine bridesmaids and I didn't care if it took them until the next day to get down the aisle!"
Not all are so conventional when picking their best day. Psychic and journalist Rebecca Dettman, whose website PsychedInStilettos.com offers psychic services for the urban girl, says she has had many top days. "But mine are all linked with a common theme - they're the days when I really broke out of my comfort zone and did something extraordinary. Like the day I walked into a 40-storey skyscraper in New York with my resume under my arm and felt like I was going to throw up from pure nerves and adrenaline! Still, the sense of satisfaction that still reverberates from that experience to this day, six years later, is priceless.
read on below advertisement
"'Jumping off a cliff' was also how I began my early career in magazines. I flew to Sydney [from Adelaide], marched into a magazine office unannounced, requested a meeting with the editor, and basically sold myself in a 10-minute spiel. Of course, I was zinging with adrenaline throughout, and the days and weeks afterwards were like torture as I waited for an answer. But the end result was stellar - I ended up working at that magazine for three years."
Fashion designer Sonia Fedele, who's behind the Aliirt label, says throwing caution to the wind also marked her best day - though in a different way. "One of the best days of my life was when I got up the courage to pack up and move to England for work and to travel. What I treasure most is the moment at the airport the day I was leaving. I definitely didn't think I'd get homesick or realise how much my family would miss me until the moment we were saying goodbye. We all had tears streaming down our faces. While we are a close family, we don't usually have these corny displays of affection and I'll never forget the love I saw in their eyes at that moment."
Dr Timothy Sharp, the "chief happiness officer" at Sydney's Happiness Institute, says the problem for many people is they tend to harp on the negative events in their lives more so than the positive ones. "Happy people, instead, reminisce about the good times and savour the experiences - and we can all learn to do it." Sharp says one practice they encourage at the institute is for people to write down three good things that happen each day in a "gratitude diary", into which magazine clippings and photos can be thrown as well. "Then you can look back on it and have a record of the really good times in your life."
You'll be happy to know (pun intended) I'm now halfway through my '10 best days of my life' list:
1. The day I got my driver's licence after two failed attempts (independence, at last!).
2. Meeting my little niece when she was just born (I couldn't take my eyes off her).
3. The first heart-stopping kiss with my first love (is anything better than young love?).
4. Seeing Italy for the first time (where my family came from), when circling over Venice in a plane.
5. Any day watching Sex and the City with my sisters.
As for the rest? I'll get back to you!
How to make every day your best day
The Happiness Institute's CHOOSE philosophy is based on six powerful, positive psychology strategies:
C = Clarity (of goals, direction and life purpose).
Happy people set clear goals and plan to ensure these goals become reality. So, clarify your life plan now (because no one else will do it for you!).
H = Healthy living (activity and exercise, diet and nutrition, and sleep). Health forms a crucial part of the foundation to happiness. It's hard to be happy
if you're literally sick and tired all the time.
O = Optimism (positive but realistic thinking).
Happy people search for positives in thinking about themselves, others and the world. The good news is that this is something you can learn to do.
O = Others (the key relationships in your life).
Happy people have both more and better quality relationships. So make sure you devote time to developing and fostering your key relationships.
S = Strengths (your core qualities and attributes).
Rather than trying to "fix" their weaknesses, happy people spend more time identifying and utilising their strengths. Find out what you're good at and do it as much as possible.
E = Enjoy the moment (live in the present). The past is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today's a gift - that's why they call it "the present".
Visit www.thehappinessinstitute.com for help and courses.
Story: Carla Caruso
